So, I feel like some tea and find this wonderful little pouch of GUNPOWDER GREEN. I start to read the front of the pouch and it firstly claims to be gunpowder green which seems odd to me, because gunpowder is a blackish gray, and if my gunpowder was green, it would probably be infused with some plant fungus, be moldy and not even ignite.
No matter, I continue to read …
Full-leaf smooth green tea pearls
So there is a leaf involved which could have been green, but what’s with the pearls? I thought they came from oysters? Regardless, I am intrigued and turn the pouch over for instructions.
FOR THE PERFECT CUP:
As a Chinese Emperor once did, bring fresh water to boil, cool slightly then allow tea leaves to gently fall into your cup. Steep 2-3 minutes. For iced tea, steep 2 bags, cool and pour over ice.
Okay, now I am amused. Firstly, I do not think a Chinese Emperor would be making their own tea. Fresh water was hard to come by two thousand years ago. There would have been a trip to a well or some other laborious process and the Emperor was way to busy to be doing such things. He was Emperoring after all.
I read on and then the instructions claim that I have tea leaves at hand that could gently fall into my cup. I have a bag of gunpowder-
And this is where I really get agitated because I am instructed to steep 2 to 3 minutes. Well which is it? Is 2 enough? Why just 3? How about 7? I mean these are suppose to be instructions to help me experience a two thousand year old tradition and don’t get me started on the ice part … Chinese Emperors didn’t even have ice.
So then I turn the pouch back over and look at the fine print at the top of the bag.
… and think … jeez … why bother …
Isn’t gunpowder suppose to have a kick?
Oh, but its green, so its not going to light anyway.
I get it now.
Coffee Please. dark roasted, gunpowder black.